Birthdays, funeral and a wedding in 30 days

   I have sat down to write this blog 100 times in the last 30 days. I start, then delete, then start again and delete once more. I can't seem to get my scrambled thoughts into any order for a reader to appreciate what I'm trying to convey.  Here goes my 101 attempt and I will begin at the beginning of my last 30 days.
   Early September I had a birthday. I love birthdays. I love to attend the celebrations, plan a surprise party and do something special for someone/anyone on that day. Numerous friends and family remember my birthday too. My older brother Ken used to always send my birthday gift in November near our sister Cheryl's birthday. So my younger sister Terri got her August birthday gift from him then too. One stop shopping for him as we would all get the same or a similar color of gift from him. We really weren't on to his ways because we all lived in 3 different states. One year my younger sister and I were wearing the same shirt and I said "Hey, I have that shirt too!" She said," Ken gave it to me for my birthday!" Upon which we started comparing notes and realized he had been doing this for years and we never noticed. Clever Ken. Smarty Ken. Such a great idea Ken! Since the passing of our sister Cheryl several years ago I now get my gift in September. The recognition of this small realization made me sad this year. I was also feeling sorry for myself this year since I've been recovering from foot surgery and not really mobile and not in a "birthday party" spirit to celebrate. It was a subdued day and my gift from my brother came 2 months early...making me feel a bit sad.  Life just marches on though doesn't it? Fast forward one week and we are ordering a special birthday meal to be delivered for John's father in their new apartment in their retirement community. He was turning 86! We called to wish him happy birthday but he wasn't feeling too sharp that day coughing a bit. He was really looking forward to flying to our home in a few weeks so we could attend a big family wedding event in SoCal. (Southern California for you out of staters) I'll get right to it now and tell you we got that dreaded phone call from John's mother later that evening  stating that his father had gone to sleep and died peacefully and went to the arms of the Lord. He died on his birthday. He left this world celebrating I guess. Even though he was 86 I was still surprised he left us. You think you are ready to say goodbye or in our case, see you later, but it's still very unexpected. A week later we were in Montana planning a funeral. This was simply crazy. You want to know what I love most about this man's life? He lived his life to the very very end the best he could, and he didn't even have a clue he was going to die that day. Maybe we need to be living our life as though it's our birthday every day! It's painful some days as I remember this special man in my life who loved me as though I was his own daughter. What a gift it was to have a father in law who really loved you.. He was crazy in love with me and he thought I hung the moon with computers. HA! I sure had him fooled didn't I?!!
   We traveled back to California with husband John's mom from the funeral to the wedding. So many huge swings of emotions. Highs and lows for many days as we fought to find joy in the midst of grieving. This special wedding of our nephew and his sweet beloved was just the healing we needed. I should have known this as 35 years ago my husbands maternal grandmother passed away just 2 weeks before our wedding. His mother had to bury her mother (in the dress she bought for our wedding) in Oregon and travel back home to prepare for our wedding in the spring of 1980. This was familiar territory for her. History seemed to be repeating itself in our family.  We all linked arms, hearts and tears and celebrated a wedding...just like we did 35 years ago after Grandma Marge died.
   The day after the wedding 25 of us family members gathered to celebrate just ONE more birthday! Hey, I told you I like birthdays at the beginning of this now didn't I? John's Mom was turning 80! She had never had a real birthday party with cake and balloons etc due to severe allergies as a child, Soooooo we gathered at a local pancake house in SoCal and had a cake, presents, a birthday tiara, balloons and those fun birthday candles that re-light after you "think" you've blown them out! We simply smiled laughed and celebrated.
   Maybe we celebrated that sometimes families and friends just need to love on each other when you are hurting from the sting of losing a loved one. I believe these birthdays and the wedding healed us  through some rough days. My heart is grateful today for that.

"Down Time"

One thing you don't have to worry about following my blog is that I'm writing a blog every other day and you can't keep up with me. Ha!
As you can see from the photo I'm experiencing some "down time". You would imagine that I now  have all these pent up writing thoughts ready to go and ME raring write them down...but I don't. Pain has a way of sidelining your brain and your creative thought processes. This my friends is my 3rd foot surgery. The 2 former ones were to repair torn plantar facia tissues in my feet. This latest adventure required a tricky surgery to un-attach my Achilles tendon and remove a very large bone spur from that area that was pushing through the tendon threatening to rupture and causing  a lot of  pain. A year of concealing, denying, limping and creatively trying the "handle" it failed.  Reattachment of the Achilles tendon will require months of recovery. So here I sit staring at my lovely cast and bandage asking myself once again what I am learning through this
experience. I had my "aha moment" yesterday as it was revealed to me. You see, during this time of reflection and quiet I've had time to think and pray for others and their life pains. God seems to surround me with so many wonderful loving family and friends that are going through struggles that pale to mine. You can surely look at my cast and hear the description of the surgery and cringe a bit because my source of pain is so visible to you.  The cast  physically reveals and shouts to you that I am in pain going through something difficult, but what about that friend whose heart is breaking from the ending of a relationship? You can't see her pain in the grocery store. That friend whose father just passed away...we don't really see her pain and suffering do we?  We just really don't know what people around us are facing and battling as we shuffle through our days.I realize that I'm surrounded by many humble caring individuals who have taken time this week in the midst of their chaos to love me while I'm in pain. It's quite overwhelming and brought me to tears yesterday. It's a reminder to just be nice to one another out there this week.! You might not be able to visibly see the pain of those you encounter.

Lighthouse loves

If you have visited my home in the past 5 years you might have stayed in one of our themed rooms. We have the Beach room, Monarch room and our love of lighthouses gave us our favorite aptly named, the" Lighthouse Room". All of our decor centers around lighthouses in this room. Thank you Lisa Redfield for the idea years ago! I can take credit for some of the cool stuff  you will see like the ceramic dresser knobs with lighthouses on them! I can also tell you most of the names of the lighthouses as well and a story or two if you care to sit and listen. My most prized possession is our own local lighthouse painted for me by my father's best friend Roland McNulty. It just says,"I love you" when I look at it. I sat in that room today (my husband likes to take a nap in there) and just looked around at all the memorabilia and took a trip down memory lane. We have traveled to those lighthouses with some of you. It has become such a wonderful "hobby' of ours to visit, view and our tradition is to touch the lighthouse and kiss if possible. I have many kissing pictures taken by strangers and friends. Not exactly sure how we started that habit but it's a good one that causes other visitors to smile and wink at us!  So we recently traveled to Virginia and North Carolina to cross a few major lighthouses off the ole bucket list. Old Cape Henry near Virginia Beach, VA is the oldest lighthouse in the USA. It was commissioned to be built by George Washington in 1792 and still stands AND you can climb it! We also saw the tallest lighthouse in the USA in NC which is the grand daddy of them all, Cape Hatteras Lighthouse! My husbands great great uncle J.B Daniels was a keeper there! We got to see a commemorative stone with his name on it while we were there. Never mind that my husband broke a few park rules to get the photo...See I told you there is always a story I can tell!  They moved that lighthouse about 15 years ago and they call it an engineering feat of the century. Google and read more about it! Anyhow...we convinced our recent traveling companions Roger and Cathy Williams to begin kissing at lighthouses too and they enjoyed climbing them with us. This is really where my story begins. I'm not really sure why I like to climb them. I thought about this a lot as we worked our way to the top of 3 lighthouses.  Here's a few facts for you to ponder that went through my mind. The view is amazing at the top. The wind is usually howling at about 15-30 mph up there on the viewing platform. I have lost a beloved pink Dallas Cowboys cap in the wind at Point Sur  Lighthouse so I know to take off my hat now. The handrails are soooo sticky from everyone using them...ewww. Hand washing is a must afterwards.  I have a torn and now repaired meniscus in my knee from descending a lighthouse on Lake Michigan (Little Sable) ah yes, another great story. I now climb and descend very carefully. I am scared to death when I go out on the open air platform and hug the walls barely able to talk while out there! Taking pictures is a challenge but I press through my fears and as Nike says, "Just do it!". So while visiting Cape Hatteras I stopped to take it allllllll in, calm my fears and realized how thankful I was to be alive and was grateful to be able to climb that historic structure. Many of these beacons of beauty may not survive and be restored so I paused to feel the wind in my face and enjoy the adrenaline rush of climbing a piece of history. Come visit and stay in our room and we can regale you with fun personal stories of our adventures. Maybe the abandoned lighthouse on the Greek island Mykonos we took our friends Jim and Pam Kennedy to! I could tell you about my staying overnight on a rock island for my 50th birthday with friends Mark and Laurie Cameron and Rob and Connie Lee at East Brother Lighthouse near San Francisco! Hopefully the lighthouse in my town, Pacific Grove Point Pinos Lighthouse will light the way for you.

Remembering my words

I remember the first time my close friend Claudia told me she had cancer. She told me to sit down. I was thankful later she asked me to do that. I don't recall the words that came out of my mouth after that announcement...You want them to be words to encouragement. Words of hope. Words that have clarity and most of all words of love. I remember crumbling to my knees when I was told by my father he had lung cancer...I can't recall what I said to him that day either... To be honest, I don't recall one word I said to any of my friends and family who have shared that painful declaration with me. So this week when my dear friend Kerri told me her cancer had returned after almost 10 years...
I AM going to remember what I said to her. I'm NOT going to forget and be paralyzed in my brain as a close friend bears their raw spirit and pain filled heart and soul. I will not forget what I said:

 Oh Kerri...my dear friend, I am praying and will encourage my family to pray as well. 

My heart is suffering right now with you.
HE is our peace!!!

Today this precious friend found out the extent of cancer and is making decisions about treatment. Not the news she wanted to hear she said. The sharp reality of those words fell hard on my heart. I stood with my phone reading her text while shopping in Costco...crying. What do you say to those suffering and hurting so deeply? I decided to make my words few and said , 

Jesus will carry you. 

My prayer is those words are the beginning of healing for Kerri and maybe  for someone you know that you love deeply. May our words be full of kindness, love, and... hope!

Why am I always surprised by love?

My mother Shirley had several strokes a few weeks ago. It's events like this that make it a challenge living so far away from all my family in Montana. You struggle with the timing and expense of getting on a plane and traveling or praying and waiting to see if I'm needed in a few days...it's just plain hard to know and hard to live thousand miles away when your heart is there! Fortunately my good friend Denise just looked at me and said,"You should go tomorrow!" I knew that, but I suppose I needed that assurance from a friend to seal it for me. A little nudge of love from a girlfriend...surprised me. I guess I'm surprised I even needed it.  Before I go any further, my mom Shirley is making a good steady recovery and hopes to be released this week for at home rehab in Missoula, MT in my brothers home. We are grateful God has chosen to keep her here with us for a bit longer. While at the hospital my little sister Terri and I stepped out of my mom's room while they were doing some scans and went to the main waiting room on the first floor. You need to know I adore my little sister. She makes me laugh and I can never spend enough time with her. It truly was a gift to spend several days together alone caring for our mom. Again...love surprised me. In the midst of a difficult time we sisters continue to find deep love for one another. As we were sitting there chatting I looked up and saw the face of a classmate from high school walking toward me. My heart just jumped and I got up from my chair exclaiming " Tom Allen what in the world are you doing here!" We hugged several times as I let my shocked soul settle a bit! He had read on Facebook about my mom's stroke and knew I was in Great Falls so he drove down to see me...Surprised again by love. Incredible kindness from a long time friend blanketed my fears and concerns for my mother. What kind of love prompts someone to do something so unselfish for someone else!? Ahhhh Tom, You win the award for friend of the year!  Little did I realize several days later I would talk on the phone with another long time childhood friend there in town who filled my heart with faith, hope and love. My dear friend Michelle Pidcock Jezewski understood I didn't have time for social calls this trip to Montana and called me late one evening to provide comfort regarding my mother and her stroke. We spoke for over an hour.  She calls me her forever friend...I still tear up thinking about that. Her loving heart surprised and blessed me beyond what I knew I needed! My mother said numerous times that she didn't realize how loved she was by so many. The many visitors, calls, gifts, flowers and prayers surprised her too! Well I guess it just runs in the family then doesn't it?!

Christmas Angel baby

I've been busy knocking off a few "bucket list" items with my husband in Florida this past month. Be sure and read my previous blog about getting your bucket lists in order! 

   Merry Christmas to you from me. I do realize it can be a difficult time for many families and individuals during the holidays. You don't always have your holly jolly going on and it can be a challenging time in your life right now. My heart goes out to you. xoxo  I'm going to share a little experience from yesterday and I hope it encourages you to celebrate the season.
    Just yesterday I offered to babysit my granddaughter so that my daughter could finish her last class on line to renew her CPA license. I knew I'd have the sweet little baby girl all day so as I swept her away the last thing my daughter said was, "Call Carolyn (my neighbor) and have her come over to see the baby". Great idea! The two of us are good friends and love to chat over tea and catch up on our busy lives. The last time I really spent time with her was when we were in France in June and she was there  on extended holiday and we arranged to meet up to see her and have dinner in a quaint restaurant. Neighbors meeting up in Paris! How fun is that!? It was a memory I will always remember.  So I gave her a quick call and she said YES she'd love to come to our house and would be there as fast as she could!  In typical Carolyn fashion she came with Christmas cookies in hand ( but I told her NOT to bring anything as I have a boatload of treats to share!) and a gift bag which turned out to be a special little something for my sweet granddaughter.
We talked and served tea and ate treats while granddaughter Hayley delighted, entertained and snuggled with us. Carolyn admitted that she was having a hard time getting the proper attitude for Christmas and having a baby in her life today was just what the Dr ordered. Life and all it's "stuff" can just get in the way and you lose your focus. Your holly jolly goes kaput! We opened the little gift bag and it was a white little stuffed bear with angel wings! Hayley giggled and squealed when it came out of the bag. You could not have asked for a better response from a 1 year old! After several hours of chatting, snacking, changing a diaper, feeding the baby, more tea, and solving all the problems of the world Carolyn had to go home. Having a baby in her life yesterday helped her remember why we celebrate Christmas. Carolyns' words sum it all up neatly in an email she sent me:

"Oh thank you for brightening my day, and that little baby reminding, that Jesus is the reason  for the season."

 We were calling Hayley the Christmas Angel baby! My phone call came at just the right time to perk up a neighbor and friend. That baby in the manger came at just the right time too... Maybe today is a difficult one for you. Pick up the phone and see if I can come over with my Christmas Angel baby Hayley to put your spirits back into focus for Christmas!!! Better yet, let's let the Christ child in the manger do that for us.

Christmas blessings to you

Bucket Lists

   It's been several weeks since I last wrote a post. I'm really sorry for that.  I've been busy crossing items off our bucket lists!  Actually I was emotionally marrying off my adorable son to the love of his life in mid September(see earlier post We're Getting Married). My husband and I then took an 11 day trip to New Hampshire and Maine to see fall colors and visit family. We love to experience this part of the country.Rural and simple living. It's sooooooo different than California which has been my home for 32 years and even more different than my home state of Montana the 23 years before that! (Yes, I'm 55 if you just did the math...Happy Birthday to me September 2.)  To say that the fall colors at peak time in New England is stunning and amazing doesn't even begin to touch how beautiful it is. Put it on your bucket list to visit there in the fall. Do it next year and don't just wish you had. The God given time we have for a short 100 years or passes quietly and days turn into years and then suddenly my kids grew up and a blue eyed cutie pie child is calling me Nana! Whaaaat? When did THAT happen!? Free advice for today...start saving and plan for a fall colors visit to New Hampshire or Maine.
   I realized 11 years ago today that life was way too short. I lost my best friend Claudia to breast cancer. She was 44 years old.  She slipped away peacefully to the Lord and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her and miss her face. God took her young life and I had to accept that. I decided that day to begin turning a new leaf (see, I was in New Hampshire!) and start living differently. I'm not a procrastinator. I do finish projects that I start and I am crossing items off my bucket list now. Have you ever said out loud, "I've always wanted to do that." ?  Wellllll then my encouragement to you is to make plans to accomplish just that thing! Have you even made a so called bucket list!?
    Okay, so speaking of bucket lists...My husband always wanted to go see where they filmed On Golden Pond at Winnipesaukee and Squam Lakes in New Hampshire. If you are too young and haven't seen this fine film that had 7 academy nominations in 1979 then you must do so. We combined a fall colors trip and went to the famous lakes this fall. We even did a touristy boat tour and saw movie sights and the loons! This random act gave us such happy hearts and we saw a lovely part of the USA as well. Checked it off the bucket list and even added visiting a couple of lighthouses we'd wanted to see in Maine and NH. Bonus bucket list points! I've had some strange bucket list items but it doesn't matter how odd they are because they are YOURS. Want to go see Niagara Falls? Ride your bike across the Golden Gate Bridge? Eat at a greasy spoon restaurant in Los Gatos called The Happy Hound? Eat gluten free for a week? Visit Italy? Learn and then sing to your mom a song called Sweet Lorraine that you were named after? See the fall colors in New England? Write a book...?(Wet Mittens)   Those are just a few of my bucket list items I've completed in the past 10 years.
   I am giving you a nudge as I remember my friend Claudia today and all the FUN adventures we had together. One of my favorite adventures was a summer road trip to Montana to visit Yellowstone, the Tetons and my family in 1990. We bravely drove there with our 5 children under 8 years old...I aided in a bucket list dream for her and sweet memories for me of our wild trip across several states.Tearfully with great joy I will always remember that special trip we made together.

What are some of your "Bucket list" items?

In case you were wondering...sky diving is NOT on my bucket list.
Lovingly,
Lorrie